Why did I have to ?

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These thoughts do not want to leave me. They keep sinking in my mind and eating me up, but how long? The more I want to escape, the more I fall and cave in to it. A remembrancer and code that only I can understand and translate as 020216. It was a bitter sweet moment. I really want to run out from this moment. How long can I keep fighting myself within? Aargh it is really devastating to be in this state. I disillusioned myself by thinking that surrendering to it will bring me relief but unfortunately it brought heartache. I have realised that the deeper I go the more pain I draw out.

I gave out something precious freely but now I am buying back pain dearly. I am regretting because I feel cheated and I think it was not deserving. Oh, why did I have to? I will cry and cry like a newborn. Who said I can’t cry? Indeed I didn’t have to.

I wish I never did this. I am now getting to experience the pain. They say time heals but is it really true? If then, I will wait all the days of my compulsory time and then answer that question for myself. I will speak no more but wait till that time after which I will give my testimony.

 

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